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Today, a young Marine corporal showed me more kindness than the man I was married to for thirty years. I called Parris Island’s Protocol Office after an unpleasant text exchange with my ex-husband over seating arrangements, specifically how I would be identified at our daughter’s Marine Corps boot camp graduation. He was angry that my military dependent ID still reflected his rank and wanted to make sure I did not “steal his valor.” Embarrassed, I explained to the corporal that my ex-husband was the Colonel and wanted to be sure the service and rank were clearly understood to be his. I did not want to appear to be claiming something that did not belong to me. The corporal listened patiently before simply saying: “If you were married long enough to receive lifetime privileges, then you earned the right to sit there, too.” Earned. Not claimed. Not stolen. Not fabricated. Earned . And I unexpectedly found myself emotional over a word I had not realized I needed to hear. Because someone wh...

One of the things I lost in the divorce - along with my confidence, security, and faith in men - is this guy, Lord Byron. The poodle I found, trained, named, loved, and raised for eight years. Someone once told me that all change involves loss. Unfortunately, some changes involve larger losses than others. I am trying to be philosophical about the losses. Recently, I downloaded books on overcoming grief, the power of letting go, and learning how to practice small habits to achieve remarkable results. Brené Brown. Mel Robbins. James Clear. I have been hanging with the self-help homies, trying to master the subtle art of not giving a f*ck . Some books screamed at me to unleash my inner badass, scaring the self-pity out of me like a beer-swilling, tatted-up, hog-riding Hell's Angel pushing a patron off his bar stool. Call me crazy, but I don't want my life coach to have a trail of teardrops inked on his face. I am not a glutton for punishment. I need a softer, more cer...

Shell People While rewatching Under the Tuscan Sun for the umpteenth time, I hit the scene where the heroine, drowning in the fathomless sea of grief over her failed marriage, gets a verbal smackdown from her bestie. It’s not just advice—it’s a full-on Mike Tyson uppercut of truth, delivered with deadly precision. Bestie leans forward, fixes the heroine with a piercing gaze, and says, "You know when you come across one of those empty shell people, and you think, 'What the hell happened to you?' Well, there came a time in each of those lives where they were standing at a crossroads... someplace where they had to decide whether to turn left or right. This is no time to be chicken-shit." Ring that bell, Howard! It's a K-O! Bestie delivered a skillful conversational blow that knocked the heroine out of her justifiable self-absorption. Then, Bestie did what all good referees do when a boxer is knocked out. She gave the heroine a count of eight—she gave her time to pro...

"If you don't distance yourself from the wrong people, you will never meet the right people."  ~ Joel Osteen What a beautifully simple concept.  For years I clung to the wrong people - people so toxic that I felt I needed a decontamination shower after spending time with them.  Then there were the people who weren't loyal to me but to their need of me.  Once their needs changed, so did their loyalty.  I held onto those people out of fear.  "What if I end the friendship and spend the next fifteen years looking for a new friend?  What if I die alone?  Since God delivered me to this family, He might think I am unforgiving and ungrateful if I stop talking to them." Fear kept me in painful and toxic relationships.  Fear motivated me to forgive people when they were cruel, disloyal, abusive, or negligent.  Fear is a powerful motivator.  Healthy fear protects you from making dangerous or unwise decisions.  Unhea...