When Fear Gets in the Way

I have been working at the craft of writing for over thirty years.  In that time, I have probably written a million words.  You would think, someone who possessed my passion for phrasing would find it easy to express her thoughts.  That is not always the case.

Recently, I tried to use my words to express  a tornado of thoughts swirling around in my brain, but they came out all wrong and someone I truly love was hurt. 

Despite appearances to the contrary, I am an "in the head" kind of person, always thinking, analyzing, over-analyzing.  So it was only natural that I sit and ponder the cause of my verbal devastation.  I concluded that fear was the cause.  F-E-A-R.  A nasty four letter word that keeps people from achieving, obtaining, expressing.

The problem with being a wordsmith is that sometimes I reach into my bag and pull out more than I need.  I have a tendency toward verbosity.  An unfortunate trait I am attempting to master through the careful study of the works of Ernest Hemingway.

I was never a Hemingway fan.  The whole suicide thing just freaked me out.  I couldn't read his works without visualizing his demise (I told you I am an in-the-head kinda gal, didn't I?).  It's the same thing with Vincent Van Gogh.  I look at his Starry Night and see madness in the swirls.  And it makes me sad.

Someone I respect recommended I read Hemingway and so I did.  I looked beyond the madness and found the genius.  Hemingway was not a fan of using two words when one would do.

I wish I had remembered that before I spoke the other day.  I wish I had thought to keep it simple.  I wish I had just said, "I love you."

I love you.

Three tiny words that can be difficult to say when you have a thousand other words swirling around in your brain.  Wouldn't things just be easier if we kept it to I love you?


Dear Fireflies said...

Oh, Leah, this post is so honest and comes from the heart. I think I know how you feel. Verbosity is a tricky little thing, and it's gotten me into trouble in the past too. I admire you for looking things in a different point of view and trying to analize where you did wrong. I hope everything turned out okay at the end. OXOX

Leah Marie Brown said...

Merci Ma Cher Amalia ~

You are such a kind, supportive critic and friend.

I don't always express myself clearly when I am overwhelmed with emotions, as was the case the other day. As far as things turning out okay, time will tell. I am just pleased that I was able to boil all my thoughts down to one, potent and true statement.

BTW, I still adore your artwork. My dream is to someday have an original Amalia featuring me as Marie Antoinette. :)

Bisous et hugs.

Wine and Cork said...

Will you believe that I have yet to read a Hemingway novel in its entirety??? Shocking, yes, I know :) One day, I keep telling myself, I will, so that I get to experience Hemingway's brilliance with words. And yes, keeping it simple is, sometimes, all that is needed :)

Leah Marie Brown said...

Ah, but mon cher ami, we both know I am not a simple person! :) I have a few Hemingway novels on my KindleFire and iPhone. Perhaps we could listen to A Moveable Feast while touring the South of France. Serait-ce que vous aimez qui?

Wine and Cork said...

Cela est une excellente idée!!! :)